“The child is the father of the man”

I have many interests. I go on deep dives, become hyperfocused on something, want to learn as much as I can.
I learned recently that this is a feature, not a bug, of neurodivergence. Special Interests and monotropic focus are some of the terms they use.

One thing I love about these rabbit holes is that nothing is wasted. The knowledge gleaned from these spelunking expeditions becomes foundational to new knowledge. It gets processed, connected, and integrated.

I have always been interested in words. My verbal IQ was off the charts as a kid. It’s not really something I ever worked for… it’s just something I was gifted genetically. But like any natural talent, what good is it if you don’t cultivate it?

Word origins fascinate me. The link between language, thought, and culture is illuminating. One can learn a lot simply by examining the words we use, why we use them, and ultimately, where they originated.

Words are names for things, for feelings, for actions, for qualia… and names are the ultimate words for who we are. My name is Thomas. It means twin.

I never gave my name too much thought. I was named after my father. He was raised by a foster family, and while he was able to meet his biological mother, we never got the story behind his name.

So I went digging.

Thomas originates from Aramaic (תאומא). It means twin.

In the New Testament, Thomas was an apostle. He was called Doubting Thomas because, in a famous story, he wouldn’t believe the risen figure in front of him was Jesus until he touched the wounds in his hands.

Interestingly, history glosses over how arbitrary the Christian canon is. In the early days of Christianity, the Roman Empire and church officials tinkered with the various sacred texts until they came up with what is today seen as THE BIBLE. In doing so, they omitted a bit here, augmented a bit there… all to serve a political and cultural hegemony.

One gospel they cast aside was the Gospel of Thomas. This particular gospel is central to a concept called Gnostic Christianity. Without getting too deep into particulars I am less than qualified to recount, Gnosticism is a more esoteric take on Christianity that claims, at its heart, that salvation comes from within, that we commune with the divine in our own psyches, and that the dogmatic trappings of organized religion are unnecessary.

One could see how these ideas threatened a socio-political apparatus that sought to control a populace through a fear of God. Making the Roman Emperor and the Pope, often acting in concert, meant controlling the perceived salvation of millions through simple Machiavellian fear.

The Gospel of Thomas is said to have been spoken by Jesus to Didymus, Judas Thomas. Didymus (Δίδυμος), romanized to Didymos, means twin. Some Gnostic texts imply that Thomas was Jesus’s twin, or spiritual counterpart.

I was named Thomas after my father. We are linked by genetics, circumstance, family, and culture. My father and I, over the course of the last 49 years, have brought out the best in each other. His upbringing was not easy. A lot of the trauma of his tumultuous childhood spilled into mine. But the raft that held us afloat through the tempest was woven together by love and understanding. Gnosis. Sometime early in my life I realized, subconsciously, that we were put here to heal each other. I think he knew that too all along. He certainly knows it now.

And today, without my mother, we are adrift. Twins out at sea, using the oars that life gave us to paddle to a shore that flickers in and out of sight.

Didymus, my Father, my Twin, my Self.